Architects of Fate

Architects of Fate

All are architects of Fate,
Working in these walls of Time;
Some with massive deeds and great,
Some with ornaments of rhyme.
---Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Advice from Miss Megen

I believe it's important to give as complete and helpful an answer as possible when I'm advising someone. But that's easy for me to say. It's more useful if I show you. If you're thinking about contacting me for advice, here's an example of what you can expect.

Q. Why do I still love my ex boyfriend even though he is dating my cousin?

A. It's not unusual for it to take time to get over a former love. Many relationship experts say it takes a year before you're truly ready to move on. So, unless it's been longer than that, what you're experiencing is normal.

Knowing that he's seeing someone else doesn't make it easier to get over him, really. The pain is still the same, as are any negative feelings left by the break up. I know it seems as if his involvement with someone else should make it easier to forget him but it just doesn't work that way. There's nothing wrong with you for still having feelings even though he's with another girl.

Add to that the fact that your ex is dating your relative. Even if you and your cousin don't see each other frequently you still have the knowledge that he's dating someone you know. With that knowledge and that association; seeing or hearing about your cousin or those close to her is going to remind you of your ex. There's also the problem of possibly bumping into him at family events and visits. Having him still "in the family" so to speak makes it harder for you to move on. Harder, but not impossible.

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I'm sure people have told you the best way to get over a break up is to keep busy. That's actually good advice. Time really is the remedy for this kind of pain and the quicker you can make it feel like the time is passing the more comfortable you'll be. Do things you like - spend time with friends, keep up with hobbies, branch out and try new experiences. Remember that eating well, exercising and getting the rest you need really are important when you're feeling stressed. Think of all of this as taking care of yourself, respecting yourself and doing good things for yourself because you deserve it. You'll find you think less about him and feel better about yourself when you do.

Eventually you'll feel like meeting new people. To be fair, look at them as people you're attracted to rather than as replacements for your ex. It's hard in the beginning not to compare potential new boyfriends to your old one. Also, sometimes having a new boyfriend can feel like a way of getting back at the old one. If you notice yourself having feelings like this you'll know you still need time and probably need to wait longer before trying to establish a new relationship. When you're over your ex you'll want to meet new people for themselves and you'll judge them on their own merits.

Please remember that healing after a break up takes time. Don't feel that there's anything wrong with you for needing that time. Cut yourself some slack and do some nice things for yourself. You seem to have a good awareness of your emotional health, as evidenced by this question, so I think you need to trust and care for yourself and you'll be fine.

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